


Yet Another Cliche Story

by DidYouFalsettosOrDidYouLetGosettos (ThatOneBitchOverThere)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Chat fic kinda, Coming Out, Emails, Friendship, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lots of bad language, Mental Health Issues, Mild Angst, Panic Attacks, References to Be More Chill, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Strangers to Friends, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, as of now it's not a romantic thing, but there will be a lot of them, each chapter is an email, just two dudes being bros, most of these are just in case, mostly from Connor, mostly happy, really most of the panic attacks and self harm and suicide attempts and stuff are mentioned, so they're really short, sooo, they both just need a friend okay?, what did you expect really?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 8,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneBitchOverThere/pseuds/DidYouFalsettosOrDidYouLetGosettos
Summary: Two boys desperate for friendship stumble across each other on an anonymous site and strike up a conversation. Rated T for lots of coarse language (you should really expect this from Connor, really) it calms down a lot after the first chapter though, I promise.





	1. Chapter 1

_ So this is really fucking stupid and I know it. I honestly don't know why I'm even bothering with this because there's really no point, but I guess I'm going to try for some fucking reason that I still don't understand. I'm probably way too fucking tired so my brain shut off and I'm making these stupid fucking decisions without actually permitting myself to. My sleep deprived self has decided that it's a good fucking idea to make my first post after using this site for the last couple years, so here we go I guess. _

_ I need some help. Some serious fucking help. I'm a shitty person with a fuckton of problems but no one to unload them on. So I guess I need a free therapist who isn't going to sit there and fucking stare at me with that stupid fucking judgemental look in their eyes as they do, blatantly lying while saying they understand what I'm going through and scratching out a few words in those stupid fucking notes they take like there's going to be some sort of fucking pop quiz at the end of the day and they need to remember just how much of a fuck up I am despite all the fucking drugs they've told me to take so they can fix my stupid fucking brain. I need someone to be on my side for once. Someone I can rant to who won't get tired of it. Someone who I can talk to and not have to worry about them getting offended or angry or scared off just because they know who I am. Someone just as broken who might actually understand instead of just pity me. Someone who I can maybe help as much as they help me. Someone who can deal with me on my bad days and more than just puts up with me on the less shitty ones. I guess what I need so damn desperately that I'm typing out this stupid fucking note at three in the fucking morning is a friend. _

_ Fuck, my mom would be fucking delirious in her happiness if she knew I was writing this up. ‘Good for you, honey, I'm so proud you're reaching out and trying to make friends.’ In that stupid fucking voice that's way too high pitched like she's praising a fucking toddler. So forced and fucking fake. I fucking hate that, all the fucking comments like she cares so damn much when she hasn't even fucking tried to actually help. Just wanting to keep up appearances while the perfect fucking family she's made falls apart from the inside out, unraveling in a way that can't be fixed. _

_ Damn, this is such a stupid idea. I can tell even while I'm so fucking out of it. What the fuck ever, I guess I don't really care if this even fucking works or not. I don't really care what kind of person responds to this, if anyone's even does. I don't really give a fuck about anything at this point. _

**_Posted - 4:20 PM 20 April 2017_ **

**_Post by: fuckificare_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first time doing a chat based fic, so I'm still trying to figure out the formatting.  
> Please let me know if it's awful so I can fix it.

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 9:47 AM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I saw your post and decided to take a risk for once in my life and respond to it, but I wasn't really sure how to start it off without it being even more painfully terrible than it already is so I just made it into a sort of letter for some reason? _

_ I'm not a qualified professional of any kind, I'm just a kid in high school with a bunch of issues, but I thought maybe we could help each other somehow? _

_ You sounded like you need to get a lot of things out, like you need to do a lot of ranting, and I'm at least a decent listener. Not that being able to listen really helps in this situation because nobody’s actually talking, we're just typing back and forth, so I guess being a good reader is more important? _

_ Sorry, I ramble a lot when I'm nervous and I'm really nervous because I don't begin conversations. Which I guess doesn't apply here because you started, but I could have just scrolled past and pretended not to see it and you would have never known I existed on here. None of this really matters, I'm probably just going to end up deleting all of this and pretending it never happened. _

_ Sorry for wasting your time. Well I guess not really, because I'm going to delete this and not actually send it… _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	3. Chapter 3

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:28 AM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ I don't think you meant to actually send that message, but you did so now it's too late. I don't think it was too awkward, but I actually kinda like the idea of writing letters. Nobody really sends letters anymore, but it's kind of nice. At least this is faster because it's online. _

_ Well, it's nice to meet you, I guess. Maybe, I don't know. You're the first person to respond to that stupid post, which isn't really surprising. It is kind of surprising anyone responded at all, though. _

_ It's stupid, but I don't really want to just start bitching at you about my shitty fucking life. I mean… I guess that's kind of the reason you're even getting this message, but that seems kind of fucked up to me. If I just suddenly got a message from some freak online going on and on and on about their fucked up life I’d probably block them or some shit, you know? _

_ I don't really know how to actually end a letter? I've never written one before and the way you ended yours was really kinda cheesy, and I'm not sure I'm all about that. I guess the letters are really fucking cheesy too. Fucking whatever. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	4. Chapter 4

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:38 AM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I didn't actually mean to send that message, I meant to delete it but then I clicked the wrong thing..? That sounds like a really stupid excuse, but it's what happened! I didn't really think you would respond… _

_ It's nice to meet you! Hopefully we can keep talking..? _

_ I wouldn't have minded if you had just launched into an explanation of your life, if that's what you wanted to talk about. _

_ If you want, you can do that now I guess? If you want! You definitely don't have to. _

_ That sounded really stupid, huh? _

_ I'm trying not to censor myself, otherwise I would spend three weeks typing and retyping a message, but everything I write just looks awkward and forced and stupid to me. _

_ I'm sure more people will reply to your post, you should probably just block me now. _

_ That will save you a whole lot of time and energy and anger. Because I'm really difficult to deal with. _

_ Sorry, I’ll just stop now, I'm rambling again. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	5. Chapter 5

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:42 AM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ Don't worry about censoring yourself or whatever, we're both here to get over our problems. Just say what you think or feel, or fuck I dunno. _

_ You want me to rant about my life? _

_ Well fuck. Take a moment to get something to drink, go pop some fucking popcorn. Use the damn bathroom. This might take a while. _

_ You good? Situated again? Good. Make sure you're comfortable. _

_ So I'm a fuck up. Plain and fucking simple. I can never do anything right as far as my parents are concerned. I've never really got along with my dad, he's closer to my sister, but the last couple of years he's been even more of an asshole. He wants me to be this perfect fucking image of the son of the perfect fucking all American family or some shit. Do good in school, actually have some fucking friends, play fucking baseball or football or really any fucking sport. Stop having fucking mental health issues because apparently I can control how fucked up my head is. Get with the head cheerleader because being gay is unacceptable and fucking Christ what will the neighbors say? What will the family think? I'm not about to stop wearing the clothes I actually like and listening to music I actually fucking enjoy and stop reading and start working out and stop smoking just because he thinks that I'm a fuck up who needs to force himself into the cookie cutter image of the stereotypical male jock image. _

_ My mom, she's better I guess, but not really. She thinks that doing anything other than getting high and reading will fix me and turn me into this perfect fucking image she wants me to be. For some fucking reason she thinks that all my fucking problems will disappear with the right diet, the right religion, the right something, so she goes through all these stupid fucking phases of being pescitarian or vegetarian or vegan or gluten free or what the fuck ever while also cycling through being Catholic or Buddhist or Jewish or who fucking knows at any given time. She treats me like a fucking three year old that might fucking explode at any given time. She's always too fucking nice in that way that's so fucking fake those stupid cheap plastic flowers look more genuine. Her voice always sounds way too fucking high pitched and strained and so full of that fake fucking concern. If anything, she's worried about what everyone else will think of the situation. Not what they'll think about me and what a fuck up I am, she's concerned about what they'll be saying about her and her inability to raise her own child into something that's less of a fuck up than I am. _

_ My sister thinks that I've completely ruined her fucking life, which I guess is true, but she doesn't fucking care about me. Not anymore, anyways. When we were younger we were close. Really close. She was like my best friend. She's younger than me, but not by much and we used to be together all the time. She used to be on my side all the time and I'd stand up to any bullies that were bothering her and I'd braid her hair and sometimes even paint her nails and she actually thought I was a good brother. We would turn music on way too loud and dance like idiots together to make up if we got into fights or to drown out the noise if our parents were fighting. Our doors were always open when we weren't together so if the other one wanted something we could just run in and talk to each other. I haven't braided her hair in years, I haven't done her nails since before then, we haven't danced together in so long. Our doors are always shut and I'm always listening to my music loud enough that I can't hear her practicing her guitar or singing or whatever she fucking does now. Now she always sides with our dad. Whenever there's an argument, which is at least twice a day, she makes some stupid fucking underhanded comment about me or just agrees with everything my stupid fucking dad says. _

_ I get that it's my fault. It's entirely my fault. I get angry too easily. I'm usually high. I'm just such a shitty person and class A fuck up. But I never start arguments with her. It's always because of something stupid that she says that for some fucking reason sets me off. Something that doesn't even really fucking matter. But at this point it's just become a habit to just yell and scream and fight and threaten and I've even fucking shoved her a few times. She hates me so fucking much now. I can't just fucking apologize now so I just keep on pushing her away. Keep on yelling and screaming at her. _

_ My parents are shit, but with my sister I know that it's my fault. I'm the one who pushed her away. The one that ruined everything for her. I was the one that fucked up badly enough that she can't even stand to be in the same room as me. She's always glaring and I can't even fucking blame her because I know that I did it. I'm the reason she's like that. _

_ It's just an entire fucked up situation and I'm just tired of it. I'm sick of dealing with my shitty parents who only care about image. I'm done with trying to fix anything with my sister because each time I've tried it's just blown up in my face. _

_ I'm sick of going to school only for people to flinch away from me just because I walked past them a bit to close, because I glanced in their general fucking direction. Of having to deal with all the stupid whispering behind my back. I don't really care about rumors, most of them are shit anyways, but I get sick of hearing my name. Tired of knowing that it's only pushing my sister farther away. Done with all of the stupid fucking anger I feel and snapping for stupid fucking reasons that wouldn't even bother anyone else. Sick of feeling so much that I have to smoke to get rid of it and sick of smoking and never knowing what the fuck is going on. _

_ Shit. _

_ That got really long and really fucking personal. _

_ Sorry about that. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	6. Chapter 6

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 12:29 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Thank you for sharing all of that with me. _

_ I don't really know how to respond to it all, I'm not a professional. _

_ That sounds really crappy. _

_ I can't really say I get it. I mean, I don't smoke drugs or anything like that, I'm not really an angry person either. I don't have any siblings, unless you count the half siblings I've never met. _

_ My dad left when I was young and my mom… She's not really ever around. She's always working or at class, so I don't really see her much. She treats me like a baby when I do, though. I don't… I don't have friends. At all. No one notices me. I don't think they even really realize that I exist. I mean there is this one kid who talks to me, but he doesn't want to. His parents literally pay him to hang out with me every once in a while because his mom is friends with mine. And he reminds me of that each time we talk. _

_ I'm not really good at actually interacting with people. This isn't as bad because I'm not stuttering over every word and messing up pronunciation and saying the wrong thing and I don't have to actually see you, or anyone, and it doesn't get to me as much. Clearly I'm still a mess, but it's so much worse in person. Or on the phone. So I never really talk. Not unless I have to. And it gets to my mom. _

_ Every time she's around and asks about school and I give her the same answer I can see the disappointment and frustration. She never says anything about it. She's always saying that she's so proud of me for trying and that she loves me so much but I can see that she doesn't think I'm trying hard enough, that I'm not doing better fast enough, I can see the annoyance each time I mess up or stumble over my words when she asks me to do something. _

_ Sorry. I kind of took over there. We weren't talking about me and you probably don't even care and god, I'm the worst… _

_ I think that it's very clear that you really care about your sister. It obviously hurts you that you're not as close as you used to be. Maybe start small..? You say that you drown out the world with your music? Maybe try playing a song that she likes? Or a song that you used to dance to with her..? That might help her remember the good times..? And I don't know. That was a stupid suggestion, forget it. Yeah, just start small, go slow, work your way up to that relationship you used to have. Let her know you want it back and that you're trying. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for updating late, I planned on doing it yesterday, but I've been busy with cleaning and moving stuff around at my place. On top of that, I'm planning on moving soon, so I've been packing. I'll try to keep on top of this better, though. :)

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 2:14 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ I don't think it was shitty advice or a bad idea. That actually makes sense and I'm a fucking idiot for not thinking of it sooner. My sister's over at a friend's house right now, but I guess I'll try when she gets back. _

_ I don't mind you talking about your shit, you know? That's the point of this. I'm sorry you have shitty parents too, and that people are such assholes that they don't notice you. That's some bullshit. At least it's better than being talked about all the fucking time for something that never even fucking happened though, right? I don't know. _

_ I'm kind of shit at making people feel better. I haven't done it in a while. All I've done is make people hate me. _

_ Don't push yourself. Don't think too much about what you're saying, or what you're trying to say. Try not to care about fucking up, it might help to calm you down a bit and make it a bit better. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	8. Chapter 8

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 3:48 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ What you're saying makes sense. It does. It common sense. But it's not that simple for me. I overthink everything. Everything. Even my breathing. Where my eyes are. What my tongue is doing inside my mouth where people can't even see it. _

_ I know that people don't really care that much, I know that. But I can't help it. Which makes everything even more stupid and frustrating. I know I'm thinking too much. I know I'm overreacting, but I can't just be normal because my tongue gets all tangled up and my brain doesn't process that I've already said that word twice now or it can't even put the words into the right order and now I look stupid and I'm just bothering whoever I'm talking to and I can't cry because that would make me look even more stupid and pathetic and then I can't breathe because my head made me forget how to do that too. It's just… It's stupid and I can't help it. _

_ I'm glad I could help with your sister, I guess. Is she back yet? Wait that sounded weird and creepy. You don't have to tell me. Sorry. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I'm updating this early because I have an entire 10 page essay due tomorrow that I haven't even started writing yet (oops), and I'll probably end up forgetting to post a new chapter. We'll be back to regularly scheduled updates next week, though. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 4:17 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ It wasn't weird and creepy. Not really, anyways. I get why you were asking. She's not back yet. It's a weekend so she's staying with a friend. Probably won't be back until sometime late tomorrow. _

_ Sorry, again. I'm really fucking bad at advice. Like, I am utter shit at it. I probably just made shit worse, huh? Made you feel like your struggles were fucking nothing. They're not. I'm just a fucking nightmare. _

_ Apparently I'm also shit at apologies… Sorry… _

_ It's not stupid. If you struggle with something like that, it's not your fault and it's not because you're stupid, or some shit like that. It's just because your brain decided to hate you for some stupid fucking reason and decided to not be programmed the same way as everyone else's. But it's not your fault. _

_ Okay? So just take deep breaths or something. _

_ Something that does calm you down. _

_ What helps when you're panicking..? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	10. Chapter 10

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 5:32 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ No, it's okay. It's not your fault I suck at existing or anything. I just… I'm breathing. I'm okay. Not panicking. _

_ Usually I go on walks? That sounds kind of stupid. I just… I like trees? That sounds even more stupid. There's a couple of parks nearby where I live so I just go there, walk around a bit. Maybe climb some trees. I don't really like being near people, so I go somewhere that isn't really poplar. Or if I'm at school, I guess I'll go to the nurse. She's nice and let's me stay in there for a while. If it's really bad, I just go home early. _

_ My therapist gave me a print out of a bunch of different coping mechanisms, but they don't really help? _

_ Yeah. What about you? _

_ You said you get really angry? Do you try to ‘take deep, calming breaths’? Sorry. It's not really my business. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo!  
> I'm updating a bit early because I'm gonna be busy tomorrow with family (I'm going to my nephew's birthday party) and I'll be busy with that and getting schoolwork done so I won't miss deadlines.  
> I hope you enjoy this new chapter! :)  
> -Satan

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:19 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ You apologize too fucking much. You know that? You can ask whatever you want without thinking you've gone too far. If you have I'll fucking tell you, okay? _

_ My mom tells me that I need to fucking breathe all the time, ‘ten deep breaths before you lash out, sweetie' my dad tells me I need to stop smoking because it makes me angrier and that I need to stop ‘being so violent all the time just because you want attention. All it's going to do is get you kicked out of school and tossed in jail like the lowlife you are’. Deep breaths only really help when I'm not so fucking angry I forget about them though, which is really all the time. _

_ I get what you're saying though. Thanks for trying to help. _

_ When it gets to be too fucking much I go to this old abandoned orchard I use to go to back when everything was okay. Or I'll smoke. That helps to numb everything. Makes it all go hazy and the anger fades. Just a little bit, but it's better than nothing. _

_ I keep a rubber band on my wrist and sometimes I'll snap that to get my focus on something that isn't anger. That kind of helps. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	12. Chapter 12

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 9:36 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I'm sorry that your parents don't seem to know how to help. And sorry I apologize so much. _

_ I just don't really know how to talk to people? The only people I talk to really are my mom and that one family friend I mentioned, so. _

_ I haven't tried the rubber band thing. It was on that sheet of coping skills, but I was worried about what if it snapped? What if I tried and it hurt too much? What if it cut off my circulation because it was too tight or I lost it because it was too loose? What if what if what if. So I didn't bother with it. _

_ That's good that it helps you, though. And that you have somewhere to go where you can relax. _

_ I've been seeing my therapist for a few years now and I still can't really look at him. I take a few different pills to help with my anxiety and depression, but it doesn't really help. But I can't say that because what if my medication is changed? Or the dosage is upped? We don't really have the money for that. So it makes me more worried. And you probably don't care about this, either. Sorry for rambling again. _

_ Sorry for apologizing. _

_ Sorry. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for getting this out a day late...  
> This might be happening more frequently...  
> I'll try to keep on schedule, but I'm going to be moving soon, so I'm going to be busy with the whole process of packing and cleaning and getting rid of stuff, etc.  
> Thank you for continuing to read this, I hope you enjoy this little addition!

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:16 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ Stop assuming I'm going to be bothered if you tell me shit. Really. I get that we just started talking, but if it actually fucking annoys me I'll say something. _

_ Fuck. _

_ Sorry. I'm an asshole. My dad is an ass and I'm in a bad fucking mood. Apparently my therapy is fucking useless and not worth the fucking money and all of the fucking pills that I haven't been taking because they don't help and they just make me sick are gonna get me addicted and I'm gonna graduate from a stoner to a pill popper to a meth head to shooting up in a fucking Alley with a dirty needle to ODing and dying. _

_ I've been diagnosed with severe depression, BPD, slight anxiety, insomnia, and ODD. Which I think is a bunch of bullshit. And so does my dad. He thinks that I'm just acting out to be an asshole who wants to destroy his perfect fucking family. I think that the therapist is just saying what he thinks my parents want to hear. _

_ I'm supposed to take lithium, xanax, temazepam, and Zoloft. My mom has also been been making me take vitamin d and melatonin. None of it fucking helps and I'm sick of it. _

_ I think it's bullshit that he's refusing to let me go to therapy and refusing to buy my meds, but I don't care that much. It wasn't helping anyway and I was getting sick of it. Sick of knowing that my stupid fucking therapist would say that it's all confidential only to go ahead and report every fucking word I say to my fucking parents. _

_ Okay. Rant done. I think. Fuck this is stupid. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I'm posting this so late...  
> I hope you can enjoy this update!

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 11:31 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I can kind of get that. I don't think my therapist knows what patient confidentiality means either. Every time I say something to him, my mom seems to find out and takes the day off just to make sure I'm okay, which is annoying, honestly. I'm fine on my own and all she does is hover around nervously which just makes the anxiety worse. _

_ I'm sorry you're suddenly getting pulled from therapy and your medications… I hope it doesn't backlash too much. Even if you weren't really taking your pills, just knowing that they're suddenly unavailable if you feel like you need them is probably going to be rough. _

_ I've had my prescriptions and doses changed around, but once I started taking pills I have never not taken them. It's such a normal part of my life that I'm not sure what I would do if I no longer had to, you know? _

_ Wait. That sounds weird, doesn't it? Almost like I got addicted. I didn't. Really. I just have to take them. That still kind of sounds like something an addict would say. I just. You know? _

_ I'm stopping myself before I embarrass myself further. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	15. Chapter 15

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 11:46 PM 22 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ Don't worry. You don't sound like an addict or anything, I know what you mean. _

_ It doesn't really fucking matter to me that my pills are gonna be trashed. My dad just pisses me off so fucking bad all the damn time, it's more the situation and the fact that he thinks that I'm such a fuck up that I'm not even worth the therapy that my mom insists will help me. _

_ Alright, I'm fucking done with this conversation. If I talk about it anymore I’m going to fucking explode. _

_ You said you're a high schooler, right? What grade are you in? I'm a junior. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a second chapter as an apology for all the late updates I've had. :)

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 7:42 AM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Sorry… It was getting late and I fell asleep. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to push you into talking about something if you didn't want to. I get that you don't want to, entirely. Sorry, I just keep drawing this out. _

_ Yes, I'm in high school! I'm also a junior! What are those chances? Pretty slim. Or maybe not..? I'm not entirely sure. _

_ Well, I get back home around 3:40 so I probably won't reply until then. That is if you respond before that. That was kind of assumptive. Sorry. _

_ Sorry for apologizing so much again. I still haven't taken my pills. I should probably do that now. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here's another, because I probably won't be able to post on Saturday.  
> I'm going to Comic Con in Portland (and I'm really excited, you guys!)!!!

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:27 AM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ Just because you notice that you’ve apologized a lot doesn’t mean that you have to apologize for apologizing, okay? _

_ Just… Don’t apologize for being yourself. I think you’re fine the way you are, so just be you. _

_ It’s really obvious that I’m not really a pep talk kind of person, isn’t it? _

_ This is my first attempt. _

_ I bombed it, didn’t I? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. So I've been thinking.  
> And I'm not really sure I like the way I've been going about this story?  
> I want to keep updating this regularly, but I feel like the updates are really short? Making it easy to forget what's been going on?  
> So I was thinking about compiling all of the emails from each day into a singular chapter once I post the last one?  
> I could even post that as a separate thing, if you all want?  
> Let me know what you all think.

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 3:47 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Alright...I’ll try to stop apologizing so much… It’s kind of an unending struggle for me, but I’ll really try. _

_ How was your day today? _

_ Mine was pretty average… _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's my way of apologizing for posting yet another chapter late and an early apology because I'll be updating on Sunday rather than Saturday this week.  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter, too, and have a fantastic rest of your week! :)

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 3:56 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun _

_ My day was pretty normal too. Nothing much to report. I skipped most of my classes, like usual, and I might have broken some guy’s nose after school. _

_ Totally on accident. _

_ What about you? What’s your definition of a normal day? _

_ Also. Your username is kinda long. Do you mind if I just call you Birch? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I'm really sorry about my inability to post on time these last few weeks.  
> I've been packing and preparing to move.  
> I've been told I might be able to go in and sign the lease either tomorrow or on Monday, so hopefully that'll happen on time so I can get into my apartment and be able to actually post on schedule.  
> Thank you so much for your continued support and your patience with me!  
> -Satan

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 4:12 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Yeah! You can call me whatever you want. _

_ As for my day… I went to school, had a slight panic attack during lunch, and then took the bus home after class. Nothing too exciting. _

_ You should go to class. I won’t lecture you or anything, I’m sure you don’t need that, I’m just saying… _

_ What happened??? Why did you break someone’s nose??? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	21. Chapter 21

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 4:20 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Not gonna lie, I waited two minutes to sent this so it would go through at that time. _

_ ARE YOU OKAY? YOU CAN’T JUST CASUALLY SAY YOU HAD A PANIC ATTACK AND JUST BRUSH IT OFF LIKE THAT! _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	22. Chapter 22

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 4:52 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Oh. Yeah, I’m okay. I have panic attacks pretty often. It wasn’t too bad. And I was in the nurse’s office when it happened. So… _

_ Seriously, though. We are not ignoring that you broke someone’s nose. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	23. Chapter 23

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 5:23 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Alright… If you’re sure… _

_ Okay. So this guy comes up to me while I’m waiting for my sister after school. I’m just sitting on the hood of the car right? And he just starts trying to sell me some shit from Japan, right? I mean, yeah. I’m the resident stoner of the school, but that doesn’t mean that I do anything else. Anyways. So he’s just going on about this shit like it’s some kind of wonder drug. ‘It’ll fix everything. Your life will be so much better. Just get one dude, you’ll see’. I guess it was some sort of hallucinogen, right? Like, ecstasy on steroids or some shit. So I told him I didn’t want his fucking scam because one pill was $600, like what the fuck? Over priced much? But apparently, he really fucking thought that I needed to get into harder shit or something, because he wouldn’t leave me alone. I saw my sister walking towards us, and she doesn’t need to be around that shit, so I might have decided her seeing me in a fight was better than her seeing this guy who was pushing pills on me, right? So I just kinda decked him. He ended up running off, but his nose was bleeding really bad and I think I heard his nose break, but I don’t know. _

_ She somehow didn’t see anything so we ended up having a pretty nice ride home. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	24. Chapter 24

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:48 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I think I might actually know what you’re talking about? I kind of blend into the background, so people talk about all sorts of stuff without realizing I’m there, so I hear a lot of things. _

_ There’s this one guy at my school who’s been selling something like that. Hopefully someone stops it soon. Apparently after a while it makes you go crazy… _

_ I’m glad you turned it down. _

_ You probably shouldn’t have punched him, though. _

_ From what I know about your sister, which isn’t much, she probably would have been glad you were refusing drugs. She might have preferred that to seeing you in a fight. _

_ I thought you said it was an accident, though? _

_ I’m not trying to say you did the wrong thing or anything though! Really! _

_ I’m glad you’re okay. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to get a new chapter out...  
> I've been busy moving and such...

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:07 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ That’s kind of concerning..? You haven’t been propositioned yet, have you? _

_ You seem like the kind of guy who’d be too anxious to say no, but then you’d never actually take it. _

_ Don’t let fuckheads like that pressure you into buying anything, okay? You gotta stand your ground. Especially with people like that. _

_ You know, now that you point it out, you’re probably right. About the whole not punching him thing. But it felt pretty good to see his face get so scared so quick. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I've been taking so long to get these chapters out...  
> I have up to 162 already typed up, I just have been busy and I haven't had reliable computer usage recently...  
> On top of that, I've been working on some random stuff in my Google Drive that have gone unfinished, so I'll probably posting some new one shots and stories soon. :)

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 8:39 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ No, people don’t really notice me. And even if they did, they would never try to sell me drugs. My family friend says I kind of seem like a narc..? I don’t know. _

_ Honestly though, you’re probably right. I would be too scared to say no. _

_ Hurray for looking like an undercover cop..? _

_ That was weird, sorry. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been so sporadic with the updates...  
> I haven't had reliable internet since I've moved...  
> Hopefully it'll get better and I can get back onto some schedule.

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 9:48 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ I wish people didn’t notice me. I’m honestly tired of all the stares and whispers that they don’t even try to cover up. I hate that every time something goes wrong, it comes back to me and is entirely my fault somehow. _

_ I mean… I get that not being noticed sucks too because you feel like you could just disappear and no one would even notice. _

_ I wish I could get to some kind of middle ground, you know? I don’t want to stick out, but I don’t want to be invisible either. _

_ You know? _

_ Just become a background character. Someone that people wave at in the halls and maybe have those half conversations, and that’s it. _

_ That’ll probably never happen, though… _

_ Sorry, that was a stupid rant about nothing. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	28. Chapter 28

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:01 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ No. You’ve told me to not apologize, so you don’t get to either. Not over something like this. _

_ That’s how you feel, and it’s valid. There is no need for an apology. You legitimately did nothing wrong. Feelings aren’t wrong or right, they just are. They aren’t stupid and they’re not nothing. They can drag you down and build you up just as much as words and thoughts. _

_ And I get it. I see how people always talking about you and assuming the worst can get tiring. _

_ Honestly, I want the same. I don’t want to be popular or anything, I just want someone to actually notice me. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	29. Chapter 29

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:23 PM 23 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, btirsch  _

_ We hacvnt bernn tslkiknmg frr verrry lolng bujt i actual yh nolticde yoluj so its olakr rikhgt? _

_ Imn nolt enolugbh tholuhg hujh? _

_ Thatas olkay _

_ Ik doln t hav e t ol b e _

_ Ii  _

_ Mm uswed to tharftf _

_ Sin edcedrflyg, meed _


	30. Chapter 30

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:48 AM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Are you okay..? _

_ You don’t usually have so many typos… _

_ I don’t think I really understood any of that… _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	31. Chapter 31

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:43 AM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ How the fuck do you wake up so early? Seriously… _

_ I’m fine, I just maybe drank a bit too much. _

_ I really didn’t say anything important, so I’m sorry. _

_ I really wasted your time and worried you over nothing. _

_ Anyways. _

_ I understand what you mean. Hopefully that kinda shit will get better for us soon. _

_ God, why am I so optimistic today? I bet you it’s because I’m too damn hungover to care about anything. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	32. Chapter 32

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:23 AM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ You’re still in high school!! You shouldn’t be drinking! _

_ What’s going on? There has to be something to make you feel like drinking, right? _

_ Sorry, I’m done ranting at you, you don’t deserve that. _

_ And I don’t think worried about nothing. You can get seriously hurt if you drink too much… _

_ Will you still be going to school today..? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	33. Chapter 33

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 11:03 AM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Wow, you sound like such a mom. _

_ Yes, I went to school. I think I might have scared someone. He’s a year younger than me and is always shaking. Kind of like a chihuahua. Except I don’t like small dogs. And this kid seems mostly okay. _ _   
_ _ I didn’t apologize though, because I probably would have only scared him more. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	34. Chapter 34

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 3:29 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I’m sorry for nagging so much… I don’t really have any rights to do so. I’m sorry… _

_ I’m sure you didn’t scare him too much. _

_ You seem too nice to be scary. _

_ But I guess you did say that you have a bad reputation... _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	35. Chapter 35

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 4:03 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Nah, it’s okay. Your nagging feels like someone cares. It’s nice, so don’t apologize for it. _

_ And no. I definitely scared him. He was shaking more than normal. _

_ Besides, I looked like shit and was in a worse mood than usual. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	36. Chapter 36

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 4:34 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ You should get some rest. _

_ I’m not saying you should drink again, but if you do make sure to drink lots of water. If you stay hydrated you won’t be as hungover the next morning. _

_ Oh! And I’ve heard that bean sprouts are good for hangovers, too. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	37. Chapter 37

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 5:27 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Thanks man, I’ll make note of that for next time. _

_ I’ll try not to drink as much though, if it’ll make you feel better. _

_ I’m trying to get over that shit anyway. _

_ I don’t want to push away the only person who’s stuck around me for more than five minutes. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	38. Chapter 38

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:06 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ No, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself. That’s all. _

_ If you want to stop that kind of thing, you can always just message me if you feel like drinking… _

_ Even though I might not be the most helpful person, I’ll do what I can to help. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	39. Chapter 39

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:56 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Thanks, really. _

_ Even just your offer is a lot of help to me. _

_ Just knowing you’re there. _

_ This is fucking stupid, really. _

_ That I’m relying on you so much when we don’t even know each other... _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, everyone!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your patience with my updates...  
> My computer's been broken and I just finally got a new one!  
> So I should be able to actually keep up on updating at least for a while...  
> As an apology here's a longer chapter. :)  
> I'll also be updating another one again in a bit, so look out for that too. :)
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> TOBOT

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 9:17 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I guess we’re in the same boat then, huh? _

_ We’re both relying on each other in hopes of some sort of healing. _

_ Right? _

_ I mean… _

_ I’m hoping to fix my anxiety. _

_ Well maybe not fix it, but make it a bit better maybe. _

_ So I think it’s okay. _

_ As long as neither of us become toxic about it, I guess. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 9:29 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Yeah, I guess. _

_ Thanks. _

_ For listening to my stupid rants and issues. _

_ For helping me out like that. _

_ For responding to the stupid post I made. _

_ Really. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 9:43 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Well, other people must have responded too, right? _

_ There’s no way I’m the only one. _

_ And I’m sure they’d be more helpful than I am. _

_ I’m just saying what I think. _

_ I’m not a professional or anything. _

_ All that I know is my opinion and personal experience. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 9:56 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Yeah, other people did respond. _

_ But you know what they were all saying? _

_ ‘Just kill yourself already’ _

_ ‘Shut the fuck up, no one cares’ _

_ ‘Stop being a fucking baby’ _

_ ‘What a fucking first world problem’ _

_ ‘Oh no, your parents are actually raising you? What a problem’ _

_ You’re the only one who took me seriously and are being nice about it. _

_ Literally everyone else on this stupid website is an asshole. _

_ So again. _

_ Thanks. For taking me seriously. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:11 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Don’t listen to them. _

_ Your feelings are entirely valid and I like knowing that you’re here in this world. _

_ I care about you and your struggles. Even if I can’t always help you or I don’t know how to, I’m here for you and I do care. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:22 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Man, it’s not even late. _

_ Why the hell are we getting so gross and sentimental? _

_ Change of subject. Because this is getting to be way too much. _

_ Ummmmmmmmmmmm… _

_ How was your day? _

_ Mine was long and hungover and my parents are stupid. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:34 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Mine was okay… _

_ It went fast. Nothing much happened. _

_ Same as usual, really. _

_ What happened with your parents..? _

_ If you don’t mind me asking. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:38 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Just the usual screaming at me because how dare I get a little bit drunk? _

_ How dare I continue smoking and drinking and snorting coke and shooting up and the hell even knows what else? _

_ I’ve only ever smoked and drank. _

_ I’ve popped pills one fucking time and hated it. _

_ They act like they know exactly what I do, but they can’t even fucking tell when I’m stoned. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:58 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I’m really sorry your pareawnts aernttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt ;faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeathayrwfh _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 11:02 PM 24 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_??? _

_ Are you okay? _

_ You didn’t die did you? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	41. Chapter 41

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:32 AM 25 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Sorry... I fell asleep while typing… _

_ That’s really embarrassing… _

_ What I was trying to say was, I’m really sorry your parents aren’t as understanding as they could be. _

_ I get that they’re probably frustrated with your behavior, but you’re clearly willing to try and clean yourself up. _

_ I think that there might be a communication issue between you. _

_ But I could definitely be wrong. _

_ I have my own communication problems with my mom, so I feel like I’m not really the best person to advise you on this. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:13 AM 25 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ No, it’s okay. Sleep is important. _

_ I’m not surprised you fall asleep so early considering the time you wake up. _

_ I mean. If you’re messaging me at 6:30 in the morning how early must you be waking up? Are you really okay over there? _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:47 PM 25 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Hey, you okay? _

_ It’s only been a few hours, but you’re usually really quick in responding… _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 4:35 PM 26 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Are you still alive? _

_ Just let me know, okay..? _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 6:46 PM 27 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, just say something. _

_ Don’t just ignore me. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 5:56 PM 28 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Are you really okay? _

_ It’s been a while… _

_ I’ll just stop messaging… _

_ Sorry for annoying you. _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:45 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ NO! _

_ You’re definitely not annoying me!!! _

_ I’m so sorry I stopped messaging all of a sudden! _

_ Our internet was shut off because of some stupid mistake… _

_ How have you been doing? _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:32 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ No, it’s okay...  _

_ I just overreacted. I do that a lot. _

_ I’ve been okay, I guess. _

_ Not much has happened. _

_ My parents are being douchebags, as usual, and my sister’s been a pest, as always. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 7:47 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I’m sorry you’ve been having troubles with your family… _

_ I know it won’t help you to feel better, but I haven’t even actually talked with my mom at all over the last week except the obligatory how are you’s and when she let me know that the internet was fixed. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:52 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ It’s fine. _

_ It’s not like I expect anything thing else at this point. _

_ But I’m sorry you haven’t really been talking to your mom… _

_ You said at one point that you feel like your mom treats you like a kid, right? _

_ Mine does that too, then my dad gets pissed because I’m a big boy now. Which leads to my sister feeling like she needs to contribute something to conversation which pisses me off, because I don’t want to involve her with my issues. _

_ Then it all just kind of explodes into a fucking mess. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 7:56 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ I know that you really care about your sister so I hope that you’re still on… decent terms with her… _

_ I know you planned on trying to make things up to her… _

_ Were you able to make any headway..? _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:05 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _ _   
_ _ I didn’t...  _

_ I tried, but she just thought I was on something and just kept commenting on how once I was sober I’d be back to being a dick. _

_ I mean, yeah, I smoked half a joint before I talked to her, but I wasn’t high. Like, at all. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 8:29 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Oh… _

_ I’m really sorry… _

_ I guess all you can do is keep trying… _

_ I hope she can understand that you’re really trying. That you genuinely want to change so you can fix the relationship you have with her. _

_ It’s obvious to me that you care for her a lot. _

_ I hope it all works out one day. _

_ I hate to end this conversation here, but I got up really early today and did some work so I’m kind of exhausted. _ _   
_ _ I”m probably gonna pass out soon... _

_ Sincerely, Me _

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 8:38 PM 30 April 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ No, it’s okay. _

_ You should get some sleep. _

_ I’ll talk to you tomorrow. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still interested in sending in an OC for me to borrow for the new project I'm working on, feel free to leave a comment here or check my profile for more info!

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 6:36 AM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Good morning! _

_ I’m sorry I ended up falling asleep so early, I really tried to stay awake… _

_ I hope your day starts off well! _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit late!  
> I've been working on another fic (for BMC!). If you wanna know more about that or have an OC you'd like to have as a lil cameo, I have info in my profile! :)

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 7:22 AM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ It’s okay… _

_ You probably needed the sleep. _

_ You get up way too early. _

_ It almost concerns me. _

_ My morning has so far been the same as usual, I hope yours was better. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late (I know I don't have a time I really update, but this story is supposed to update on Thursdays...). No excuses.   
> Also! If y'all have an OC you'd like to loan me, I need background characters/cameo characters for my other fic, McJoysticks (it's BMC, if you're into that) I have more info on that in my profile!

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Saved as Draft at 10:26 AM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ My morning was awful. _

_ I was running late and I forgot to take my meds. And I almost missed my bus, so I had to run to make sure I got to the stop on time. Then I tripped on the stairs. And for some reason the bus was really full this morning, so I had to stand. But I couldn’t actually sit down when people got up, because people would think that I was being selfish, or that I couldn’t handle standing up for a little bit. So I stood the entire ride to school. Then I stumbled over my words when I was talking with one of my teachers. And I was called on in class, and I knew the answer, but for some reason I ended up saying the wrong thing and a few people laughed at me. _

_ Sorry, that was a long rant about nothing. You probably don’t even care. Sorry I’m annoying you. _

_ Sincerely, Me _

  
  
  


**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 10:29 AM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ My morning has been alright so far. _

_ Pretty standard Monday so far. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I'm making it a weekly thing... Just wanna plug my other fic I'm working on right now. It's called McJoystick and it's a Be More Chill thing. I'm in need of background characters and such, so if you have any OCs you'd like to see interacting with the SQUIP Squad, please go ahead and shoot me a message or even drop a comment here or on the prologue of that one. If you'd like more info, I have a whole dang paragraph in my profile, or just go ahead and message.
> 
> Thank you so much for dealing with this lil note.

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 10:38 AM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ That’s good, I guess. _

_ At least it wasn’t too bad. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	46. Chapter 46

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 3:46 PM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Yeah, I guess. _

_ How was the rest of your day..? _

_ Did it get any better? _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	47. Chapter 47

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 4:24 PM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ The rest of my day went by slowly. _

_ But nothing really happened. So that was good. _

_ At least nothing bad happened. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	48. Chapter 48

**_From: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_To: fuckificare_ **

**_Sent: 4:32 PM 1 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, fuckificare _

_ Well that’s good. _

_ As they say, no news is good news. _

_ It still kinda sucks that nothing too interesting happened for you. _

_ The good kind of interesting though. _

_ I’m glad nothing bad happened. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


	49. Chapter 49

**_From: fuckificare_ **

**_To: BirchYouWeren’tExpectingATreePun_ **

**_Sent: 12:24 AM 2 May 2017_ **

_ Dear, Birch _

_ Sorry I didn’t message sooner. _

_ I wasn’t really sure what to say. _

_ Then my parents decided to be especially douchey. _

_ Sincerely, Me _


End file.
